Ted Ginn Jr. tells Bob Kuechenberg to suck his balls as he darts for the first of his two kickoff return touchdowns
Jason Taylor picks up a Shon Green fumble as he rumbles in for his NFL-record 9th career touchdown. Mark Sanchez shits his pants as he watches. Countless women around the world suddenly re-think this whole "hottest player in the NFL thing," punch boyfriends in the nuts for not being as awesome as JT.
Not to be outdone by Ted Ginn's redemptive play, the much maligned Gibril Wilson sacks the ever motherlovin' fuck out of Mark Sanchez. Sanchez helplessly yelps "Aye chi-wa-wa!!," shits a hotdog.
Ted Ginn almost gets tackled three times, but doesn't, and runs in his second kickoff return for a touchdown. An entire fanbase yells out a collective "Holy fuck!" A certain blogger watching the game suddenly morphs into Howard Dean when he yells, "Go Teddy! GO! GO! GO! Eeeaaahhhh!!!!" Bob Kuechnberg tells his waiter he likes his cock cooked medium rare. Rex Ryan shits a can of Spam.
Joey Haynos scores a touchdown. Then shows his neat Levitating Football magic trick, much to Lousaka Polite and the offensive linemen's delight and wonder. The Robot is unimpressed. Because he's a fuckin robot.
With the game at hand, and the Dolphins getting into their victory formation, Mark Sanchez finds solace in the arms of Braylon Edwards. Braylon tells Mark that, if he want to, he can have his hotdog later in the shower. Mark accepts.
"Nice fuckin game, fatass. Oh and I fucked yer wife last night. She said it was nice to make love to a guy who can find his own dick fer a change. I'm not even kiddin. Now go git yer fuckin shinebox."
The New York media and entire New York fanbase is so shell-shocked from the massive reaming they took at the hands of Ted Ginn and the Dolphins, their headlines read that the Jets lost because of three kickoff returns for touchdowns. In medical journals, this phenomenon is often referred to as "Fucked So Hard To The Point of Brain Damage."
Vontae approves.
Next up, New England…
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
I love the pic of Sparano giving the body language “fuck you” to Ryan. Makes my year.
Hey Joey Haynos scored that TD from Henne, not Fasano.
Get your shit together. FUCK!
Relax. Just caught the mistake myself. I fixed it.
/go git yer shinebox.
When Haynos scored, I called him “the emo tight end” and people looked at me funny…. Then I went back to playing with my Dungeons & Dragons figures and rolled my 20-sided dice to see if I could cast an invisibility spell on myself.
I think I yelled ‘Major Lazer’ the other day and heard nothing but crickets. FN lexicon done fuckin’ up our verbal game.
That’s pretty much what happened to me! We should create a dictionary of FN terms and infect the world (not to mention new FN viewers) with terms like cockpunch, daggerin, duck vagina, gwerk yerk, etc-etc.
I think that’s a great idea. Now if only it wouldn’t take about 1,000 years to put up a sidebar or link at the top that would carefully explain each definition. IF ONLY WE HAD A WEBSITE THAT COULD DO THA…
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Sorry Dude. It’s Patriots week. I’m constantly pissed off for no apparent reason.
It’s all good.
It occurs to me that we haven’t heard a thing from James McMichael or any of the other turd-sucking Jets fans who tried in vain to tell us how inferior we are to their douchebaggy team.
Thanks for the walk down memory lane, Dude. The ‘coaches handshake’ pic is absolutely priceless.
It’s time for the D to reintroduce its collective self to lil Tommy Brady’s knee.
Fuck the Pats.
I cannot wish injury on any human being, which is why its a good thing Pats goat fucking QB crawled out some nuclear sewage that afterbirth was flushed into. D gang bang on the TB knee.
We need to work on that whole, “can’t wish injury on another” business. Don’t make me get the dipstick out, Jimmy. Wait, what…
HAHA!
Does anybody have a link to that Vontae picture, but perhaps bigger? because I would love that as my desktop background, its fuckin awesome.
I watched the game again last night on NFL Network … the 75 min version.
Sure did look ALOT Better, than watching it live. This fast-version cuts out the ugliness of holding on to the ball too long, bad blocking, etc. …. by just popping through the plays.
Didn’t hurt that I knew all would be well in the end.
I just can’t understand how the Offense had abysmal blocking after opening 10 cans of wup-ass on the Jests last game!!! This is a mystery & was horrid, can only be known by breaking down film at low speed.
I was really focusing on Henne, as he will be our WildCard to “V” the rest of the season …. Henne’s situation is the same for all the other struggling-rookie-QBs!! (Don’t forget, many have better puzzle pieces around them like OLs & WRs) What differentiates the SUCCESSFUL QBs, they learned their team’s situation & got up the Learning Curve.
Henne STRENGTHS:
- Given a little extra time he makes all the short throws accurately/timely (believe its because he doesn’t have all the progressions/options ON called-short-plays)
- His Play-Action technique is world class … Defense bites almost every time.
- He gets clobbered & doesn’t fumble.
- He only throws if its safe with little chance of a pick (This could also be a weakness, but has probably been drummed into him by coaches)
- ?? Hope alot of his problems are due to being careful/conservative, which will improve as he makes reads faster.
Henne WEAKNESSES:
- Does a poor job reading coverage & lets Defense fool him.
- Slow making ‘QB Reads’ & holds the ball too long & RARELY releases in 2-3s, unless called short-pass.
- Misses alot of ‘QB Reads’ & skips obvious target or throws to wrong target
- Doesn’t have a feel for pressure. Steps & runs right into defenders, not elusive. Likewise, doesn’t see the open area to run/scramble.
- Combine the above weaknesses = Chicharron = Eats alot of pigskin.
HOW & WHEN & IF he adapts to these issues will determine if he is a Franchise QB. In the meantime every Defense will key on Henne as the way to beat us. NO NFL Coach has to look at any game film for any ideas … this is NFL 101 = smash the Rook QB!!
Meh, I just want to see progress … thus I want to play good teams, like NE next week!!
That not elusive problem was hugely evident last week. I agree with not risking INT, but he could throw the ball out of bounds instead of taking the sack every once in awhile, and it would be fine with me.
Agree with ya Jimmy. The Robot needs to remember WWPD, What Would Pennington Do?
Awesome, lol.
That Sparano handshake pic is currently my desktop background and it gets my chubby going before I click on over to PornHub.
The Vontae pick with the blurry Jets logo in the background is my new wallpaper. As for the porn hub, you should check out richardsrealm.com…or so I’ve heard…[ahem]
I keep imagining that Sparano’s exact words while he’s still got hold of Ryan’s hand were “Keep talkin’ asshole”
As for why Rex Ryan has it in for the Dolphins, credit goes to TheDon74 for uncovering this story. It’s pretty well known that Buddy Ryan and Don Shula hated one another back in the day. The rivalry started in 1969 when Buddy coached the Jets defense that beat Shula’s Colts in Super Bowl III. Shula repaid the favor when he and Dan Marino dismantled Buddy’s 1985 Bears defense, preventing Chicago’s would-be perfect season. What isn’t widely known is that after a game, Buddy Ryan had a practice of treating his sons to a buffet in celebration of a win. After that game, Buddy was so angry and depressed that he lost his appetite completely for the entire week. Since then, Rex has yet to forgive the Miami Dolphins for costing him an all-you-can-eat buffet meal.
Holy shit, this site is fucking awesome. I just found it randomly, as I finally got sick of reading Armando Faguero’s blogs in the Miami Herald.
Seriously, Dude, (see how I capitalized “Dude,” allowing it to double as not only a sign of friendly banter, but also your friggin’ name!) this is a great blog you got here. I do believe I will be bookmarking it and re-visiting often. By the way, watch your fucking contractions, Dude, YOU’RE fucking better than that.
Keep up the good work. And maybe put up a few more shots of cheerleaders looking really fucking hot.
Anyway, back to business… fuck the Patriots!
We win this weekend, 31-21.
Thanks Mike! Welcome to the crazy.
And the vastly underrated “Tittyball Junction,” & “Tronkosonko,” and my personal favorite, “Faggatron.”